Battleship (The short review):

Battleship (The short review):

I lasted 49 minutes with battleship(the film) only to find there was an hour and a half left. I thought there was only 10 minutes left. I thought I was getting soft with films in my older age but fuck me hard that was some trollop. Nobody even said “they sunk my battleship” christ if your film is going to be bad they might as well give us the motherload like.

Summary:

pros:

1: The film was in colour,
2: It didn’t give me tropical skin cancer,
3: Rihanna didn’t sing
4: The images on the screen moved therefore confirming it’s “movie” status
5: The lack of plot,dialogue or anything worth 2 of your senses is thrown out of the way early, making it easy to take regular piss breaks without feeling guilty.

Cons:
everything else.

I give it an unfinished, unwatchable 1.34(round it off to the nearest decimal point)/10 chainsaws on the chainsaw rating scale and may god have mercy on your soul.