Hunger Games: Teh Review

The movie title could be a reference to the prices of cinema food I guess…

Teh Review

We’ll start with the arse-rippingly glorious trailer for this movie.

Revengeofthesurfboardingkillerbikinivampiregirls.wordpress.com’s first reaction while viewing this trailer was generally positive. I didn’t feel like jumping up and down like I’d eaten a bad spicy cabbage, but I was enthusiastic. The plot of the movie goes something like…

The story takes place in a post-apocalyptic future in the nation of Panem, which consists of a wealthy capitol surrounded by 12 impoverished districts. HOHOHO we’re off to a good start.
As punishment for a past rebellion against the government, the Capitol initiated the Hunger Games—a televised annual event in which one boy and one girl from each of the 12 districts are selected in a lottery as “tributes” and are required to fight to the death in an arena until there is one remaining victor.

When the protagonist Katniss Everdeen (Lawrence) hears her younger sister’s name called as the female tribute for their district, she volunteers to take her place in order to save her from having to participate. Joined by her district’s male tribute Peeta Mellark (Hutcherson), Katniss travels to the Capitol to train for the Hunger Games.

/shamefully ripped from Wikipedia

It sounds entertaining enough but here’s problem number 1…. It has a love story that makes up half the movie.

The very IDEA of this movie, should appeal to young teenage boys with holes in their pockets. It’s a death match game show. Our first instance of violence in the movie is seeing a guy smash someone in the face with a brick… Amazing!! I do understand though in this age we like our stories to pose more moral questions such as: Can love bloom in a battlefield? Can the act of violence ever be justified? Do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? Why as a 14-year-old girl do I have premature beard growth? and other pressing questions and issues people have with life..

There are times when I long for simple action movies like ‘Commando’ where there is nothing but a one-dimensional plot and hands down the best deer-feeding montage I’ve ever seen. This movie is what the running Man did more than 20 years ago with a very similar plot and looser balls. Ok so The Running Man was about as exciting waking up in the khalamari desert on Christmas day, but it knew what it was.

There is actually very little fighting in this at actually. You’ll be glad for that though because it feels like Michael J Fox is doing the camera work if you know what I mean. I’m not the world’s biggest fan of shaky cam and I’m pretty sure shaky cam doesn’t like me either. I haven’t seen camera work this good since bad Boys II (and I’d say that in the same tone of voice I’d use to announce that my ice-cream is banana flavored after ordering vanilla). Maybe for Bad boys III, They’ll film the action scenes by throwing an iphone camera down a nearby staircase.. I don’t know anymore.

But on a serious note (lol), I have to compliment the makeup and art-style in this movie. I’m also getting the impression they know it’s bloody good too (Up-its-own-arse-syndrome if you will). When they reach the ‘capitol’, it looks like there had been an explosion in a nearby ‘whore makeup’ factory. Everybody seems to look like a watercolour washout of Roland Macdonald.

I’d think twice before following something that looks like this back from my trampoline lessons..

I do feel like it gives the movie a good sense of shhhhhtyle though. But to be honest I’d rather drink cat piss than sit through another brownish greyish greenish run-of-the-mill war movie. Overall it’s a pretty movie and isn’t that all we ask for in a good film?…………..it’s not?

The acting is great too. I suppose at this point I should speak about the obvious role-reversing this film tries to do. Peeta is such a fucking whining shitbag in this movie. Besides being able to lift and throw a large bags of flour and makeup skills that put the best emos to shame, he is pretty much deemed useless in this movie in every possible way.(No sex either). Katniss on the other hand is independent, strong, determined and quite obviously a lesbian. Who is wearing the pants here I ask the court?

Our Male Hero Peeta. Look at that face…you can trust that face….Seriously though you wouldn’t shake your tik-taks at that face.

Back to the district of shittyness now though. There is a ‘tragic’ scene in the movie, where one of the 12-year-old little girl ‘tributes'(Rue) gets a javelin thrown through her in spectacular fashion and dies from impalement (Obviously. It would have been kinda awkward and bad timing if she died from a bad combover at this point). Now I’d imagine this is one of those moments that was better in the novelisation but our large breasted heroine Kattniss( I know I know catpiss right? Just go with it) REALLY seems to be broken up by this despite sharing only about 3 sentences of dialogue with Rue. (Rue pretty much calls her a whore at one point even).So Kattniss sings a song REALLY badly to the girl on her dead bed, grabs her flowers, has a silent shouting fit while the soundtrack blares heroic tragic trumpet music in my fucking ear and then buries the poor girl( would have been funnier if she was still alive at this point really ) Just when you thought they were done hammering the white guilt in, we’re back! and she’s STILL crying and I’m STILL holding my piss and I should have went hours ago! I think out of sheer sadness I made a noise that others might have considered a small sob but it was more of an inverted sneeze on my part.

The soundtrack was kinda forgettable. To be honest I don’t think I would have noticed it even if they had played ‘sexual healing’ while Katniss was burying Rue.

The ending also leaves a lot to be desired. It kinda just becomes self-aware and ends… ..am ….Thanks? Some guy with an oddly shaped beard, stares at blackberries. I don’t want to spoil the whole thing really( Katniss is a Sumo Wrestler).

Conclusion:

What I think we have here is a movie that tries its very best to appeal to a male and female audience.. well everyone really. I do believe it compensates in a lot of areas to achieve this. There is just about enough violence and action to keep the males happy and just about enough sandwich making to keep the females happy.

I have never read the book, but I sometimes feels like the idea of this movie is more dark and violent than the execution. Somehow it manages to feel empty. I believe the movie was a 15A rating, but for a movie of this kind I don’t think it’s enough. I think the dramatic parts overpower the action parts a little too much.

I feel as if the ending was a little rushed too and predictable not to mention cheesy. Frankly everything after they brought the berries into it was a ball of cheese.

It was however an enjoyable movie and I do recommend you at least check it out. It doesn’t deserve anything NEAR classic status though, which I felt it could have achieved with source material of this kind.

The Lo-down…bitches:

Special effects:  8/10 

Acting:  9/10

Story: 6/10

Soundtrack: Blagh/10

Overall: 6/10 chainsaws on the chainsaw scale!